Every Woman Has a Birth Story Part 1

Every woman has a birth story even if she has never had a baby. She knows someone who had a baby or maybe read an article, book or even overheard a conversation. However she knows her story, it will be enrooted in her for a lifetime. The GOOD, THE BAD, and THE UGLY of it all. These stories MATTER to our upcoming mothers to know what to expect and know all the glorious details of birth. I'm going to tell you my birth story.

It began in 2006...

At the tender age of 25 I became pregnant with my first child. What an exciting time, right?! I felt I had my life in order according to my family traditions. After high school I went to college, got a job, graduated, married my college sweetheart, and was on my way to motherhood. Nothing could have been sweeter. 

                                                    Me after I found out  I was Prego :-)

But... I really didn't know anything about my body, which lead to the most tragic course of events I've ever been through. At just 29weeks pregnant, I was diagnosed with pre-eclampsia.

What the heck is pre-eclampsia?! Well...it is a combination of symptoms, such as: high blood pressure, protein in the urine, migraine headaches, blurred/spotted vision, to name the most obvious; these symptoms can lead to your body having seizures while pregnant and can lead to coma or loss of baby/mother.

By the way I was seeing a Caucasian CNM (Certified Nurse Midwife) and I guess I was planning to have my baby in the hospital anyway since I didn't know any different, but oh how the boat rocked...

I was admitted to the hospital for a grueling month and it could have been longer. I was pumped with medications that made me feel like a boulder, HEAVY. I couldn't switch sides by myself. My husband literally had to help me switch from my right to left side and vice versa and lying on my back was not an option. I think I was seen by every doctor on the labor ward. There was someone new everyday! I didn't like that AT ALL. WHY can't I continue to see one person??!! It was a teaching hospital. If I had known, I would have told them I didn't want to be seen by students, but I figured they needed the experience so why not, but now I will say HELL NO! Let somebody else be your guinea pig.

                                                                    Before Surgery

At 33 weeks the Nurses noticed my baby's heart rate was in "distress" so they tried to induce me. I knew it would not work because I was too early, of course. After the induction didn't work, I was scheduled for a cesarean operation. When I think about it now, they never said how his heart rate was during the 24 hours I was being induced. Hmmmmm...Maybe they just wanted my behind up out of there to fill my bed with someone who was actually in labor...

One thing I absolutely DID NOT like was how many times that darn Caucasian OBgyn was checking my cervix to see if I had dilated. And I could tell the Nurse wanted to say something about him rechecking but even Nurses opinions get overlooked by the OB's because some of them have this attitude of "What I say goes and your just a Nurse what the hell do you know" Oh and my husband didn't like it one bit either! Honestly, I felt like I was being molested, FOR REAL

After that unpleasantness, I had the cesarean operation and I got to see my little baby boy for about 1 min and then he was whisked away to the NICU. He was 3lbs 6oz, but he was healthy and strong. He was breathing on his own and all his organs and systems were working perfectly. He was kept in the hospital for a month under "observation" and until he gained 1lbs, they said. We feel he was being held hostage until they said he could leave. I mean it was there decision to do the cesarean in the first place, now he's being held captive!

(This video is a NICER version of cesarean. Keep in mind fetal distress, dystocia, multiple births and breech are not always reasons for getting this operation)

During my recovery, I pumped my milk but I was never encouraged to just BREASTFEED, even when I visited him the day after surgery. I wish the Lactation Consultant (who brought me the pump!!!) Nurses or SOMEONE would have said the best thing for him as a preemie is for you to breastfeed since he is doing good. Even when I would visit him at the hospital, no one said go ahead and breastfeed. NO ONE! And even though I was pumping, whenever my husband would deliver the milk the Nurses informed him that if they run out of breast milk they give him formula. SAY WHAT?!?!?!

                                                                     Hospital Visit

Needless to say, I was defeated and when my baby did come home I continued to formula feed him. If only I had that support and encouragement, I know I would have breastfed because I have breast fed 3 babies after that! And the fact that I pumped for a month was screaming to SOMEONE TEACH ME HOW TO BREASTFEED! I did read a book on breastfeeding but I still needed that extra encouragement to JUST DO IT.

The reason for acknowledging what race my care providers were is because treatment of black women is different compared to those of other races. Not only that, the treatment was very impersonal.  The doctors or students didn't care about how I felt or didn't ask what I thought about the treatments. They said everything as if that was the final word and there was no changing it or discussing any options.

My subsequent births were with African American care providers and my care with them was the complete opposite. I felt because we were of the same race they could empathize with my need for respect and to be treated like a competent person who can make my own decisions. I'm sure not all Caucasian care providers are like that and maybe not all African American are so caring. But this was my experience...

My first birth was not what I expected and left me fragile, but not broken. I researched anything on birth, vaginal birth after cesarean, health, nutrition, conception, home birth vs hospital, birth centers, Midwife vs OB, Doulas, laws on birth, even how the reproductive system works to gain a better understanding.

With time and patience, I grew to be the person I am now. Eager to help other women realize the potential for their birth and not allow it to be another tragic tale added to negative statistics.

Every woman deserves to birth the way she sees it in her mind, wherever she wants and when her body says its ready.

To Be Continued.....

                                                               Little Nebu 1yr old :-)